The lesson: Painful yet more.

The mistake.
“Please. Please check again that you might have it somewhere in your bag.”
I begged. But no, the document was not there. My heart must have stopped for a second or two. My hands went ice cold. My head started spinning.

I – F**ED – UP. (Excuse my French, but compared to what has happened and the possible consequences, manners are the least I can take care of.)

This mistake was calamitous. Unforgivable. I compared it to Robert Green’s blunder in World Cup 2010… It just required ONE sentence, that I could have texted or said the night before or even that morning, to avoid it. Yes, I f’ed up, and very, very badly.

It happened. And then..

Conversations were exchanged with my boss and one of my colleagues. Solutions were proposed then rejected. We tried. We lost the whole day (and I missed an important meeting that I was very looking forward to), but at the end of this painful day, it was not solved. We had to wait till two days later for a possibility that might save us.

Beyond solution-related talks, I was actually speechless. So was my boss. I manage to fail myself, lost faith. All the trust I have gained in the past 8 months or so, crashed.

When the day was almost over…
I was exhausted. He – the one who was almost innocently involved – was exhausted. My boss and I could speak calmly again.

“Everything happened for a reason.”
You know, everything happened for a reason, he said.

I managed to squeeze out a smile – you know, that was what I used to say when things went wrong. This time, I just don’t see why it happened. Nothing good came out of this. It was not even meant to happen.

No, we must believe, we must try because we will be able to do this, he insisted.

The gifts.
Then I saw the gifts. The most precious gifts one human being could have given to another.

Forgiveness – from my boss.
Understanding – from my colleague.
Well-wishes and support – from him and Tyas.

And above all, faith.

“You know what could pull someone back from misery? Just faith.. the most powerful thing human beings have.”

(One of the reasons for this to happen, perhaps, is just for me to see how lucky I am, and what I could have passed on to another being.)