So the first week of officially in the job is now gone. These five days felt good, I must say. It is less the fact that I am in a full-time one-year job. More like I feel much needed by my employer; I enjoy the dynamics and energy in the company; and I am doing something that I am good at and genuinely enjoy.
Another fact is I know that what I am doing is not something overly exciting nor challenging. Then, it is exactly the above reasons that made me feel uncomfortable in another way. Because here come the questions: Why am I enjoying this, then? Will I just be so satisfied with what I have got now, that I will just stay at the same level?
Answering the first question could be a huge self-realisation – I am not someone who likes challenges. In other words, I’m not someone who I thought I am. I always thought in some ways I am different, e.g. I once dreamt of a nomad lifestyle, like Colin Wright; I don’t mind an unstable life, in fact, strive to/used to strive to not have a stable one, e.g. work 3 jobs at the same time, work 3 similar jobs but in 3 countries in a year and rotate every season.
I really, really do used to think that but now, I find myself thinking, “Let life just be like that”. Weekdays are occupied with work (fair enough). Weekends I’ll meet up with friends, sleep-in, go watch some movies, workout in the gym, enjoy coffee, do the chores… because I only have 24-7.
DAMN, doesn’t this life sound BORING?
Did I say I was going to learn French? Take up a new activity? Learn surfing? Learn about finance and investments? Where are my dance classes? Where is my thirst for exploring the bustling London city? Where did my crave for life go? (Big questions) Did I lose it because I’m in love? (unconsciously? consciously?) Did I lose it because I made it (to a certain extent)? (This is my first job, and I am already working for my dream company… a fact that took me a while to get over with)
Who am I? Am I really, a girl who actually just wants this life? Really?